Networking 101. Nine habits to develop and deepen your Network.

Strong personal networks don’t just happen. They have to be carefully constructed. This post is a summary of my recent research and personal opinion on how you can grow and strengthen your connections.

Why is developing a strong diverse Network important? It will give you three powerful benefits:

1. Information – fast access to private information (including job openings and business opportunities)
2. Skills - Access to diverse skill sets (in diverse geographies)
3. Power – The ability to influence and get your ideas implemented

A number of  academic studies have shown correlations between strong, diverse networks and success in commercial ventures. Networks determine which ideas become breakthroughs, which new drugs are prescribed, which farmers cultivate pest-resistant crops, and which R&D engineers make the most high-impact discoveries. In a 1998 study of innovations Randall Collins of the University of Pennsylvania showed that breakthroughs by Freud, Picasso, Watson and Crick, and Pythagoras were the consequence of a particular type of personal network that prompted exceptional individual creativity. In the words of Linus Pauling – “the best way to have a good idea is to have lots of ideas”.

I have developed a list of nine habits to develop and deepen your personal network

1. Be deliberate
2. Get good at approaching and engaging people. Seek common ground. Be sincere. Don’t overwhelm. Be relevant.
   
3. Don’t wait till you need it. You need to always be open to meeting and connecting to new people (perhaps not during a romantic date, but almost everywhere else).
   
4. Be systematic.  Keep a list of your current/future 250 most important relationships 20 AA, 30 A, 100 B and 100 Cs.  One of the experts on developing deep relationships is Keith Ferrazzi, author of "Who's Got Your Back". He talks about developing your RAP or Relationship Action Plan here.
   
5. Get good at "pinging" (birthdays, promotions, changes, relevant news stories, useful tips, even forwarding this blog post...)
6. Carry business cards. Always.
7. Go Multichannel. You must be physically present at events and meet people face to face, but in parallel there are some excellent tools that make it easier than ever to grow and strenthen your network online (Linkedin (for business network) and Facebook (for personal network) being the leading examples). Is your profile up to date?  Are you using recomendations effectively? This is a great guide to building your personal brand on Linked in, and this is a guide for Facebook both from Dan Schwabel author of the Personal Branding Blog.
   
8. Send handwritten notes
9. Treat it as a two way street.  Share and receive.  Ask "how can I help this person achieve one of their goals in a way that nobody else can?" or "what can I do for them?".  Invite them to an event.

I was in the IESE cafeteria recently and a friend mentioned a study by an INSEAD professor on the power of secondary connections.  The premise of the work being that your life will be shaped more by accidental connections and loose connections that the core 20-50 people of our networks (I would love to find the source - any ideas please respond in comments). One example of this might be founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates. It just so happens that his mother was on United Way board alongside the head of IBM - and possibly was a factor in allowing the unknown and tiny Microsoft to be allowed to bid to develop the PC DOS operating system.

And now for the difficult bit...
How do you get someone who doesn’t know you to feel comfortable talking?

Take the initiative in creating a welcoming impression. How another person perceives you is determined by a number of things you do before you speak. I have taken this list of steps from Keith Ferrazzi.

1. Smile. It says, “I’m approachable.”
2. Good eye contact. You don’t need to stare, but studying the weave of the carpet is a real put off.
3. Unfold your arms. Crossing your arms can make you appear defensive and signals tension.
4. Nod your head and lean in. You just want to show that you’re engaged and interested.
5. Physical contact. Touching is a powerful act. Most people convey their friendly intentions by shaking hands; some go further by shaking with two hands. Keith Ferrazzi, author of "Who's Got Your Back" suggests breaking through the distance between you and the person you’re trying to establish a bond with by touching the other person’s elbow. It conveys just the right amount of intimacy, and as such, is a favorite of politicians. It’s not too close to the chest, which we protect, but it’s slightly more personal than a hand.

Where does a leader get their energy from? Ken Blanchard says "Begin the day slowly."

I was priviledged to attend a small gathering to listen to Ken Blanchard and then join him for lunch this week thanks to Alberto Cabezas (co-founder of Claction online marketing) and the Entrepreneurs' Organisation.  Ken Blanchard is the author of "The One Minute Manager" a simple but brilliant story about management that has sold over 13 million copies worldwide.

Ken's talk covered a whole range of stories from his life. He is clearly a keen observer of life and people.  After some wonderful stories from his life, Ken said "well I suppose you would like to know what the role of a Leader in the current uncertain times might be?".

Ken said that there are three parts to leading well in uncertain times:

1. Be a Bearer of Hope (Focus attention on the good stuff)
   
2. Treat people as Business Partners (If you are losing sleep over the numbers, make sure everybody is losing sleep over the numbers)
   
3. Have a Servant Leadership heart (who's in charge? customer or supervisor? - it should be the customer at the top of the pyramid)
   

I will not cover what he talked about around the details of these three areas - much of this can be found by searching for Ken Blanchard (on Google, YouTube or Bing).

I listened to Ken going through the roles of a leader, the type of behaviours that a leader can carry through...

My question to Ken was what happens when, as a leader, you wake up one morning and think "I'm tired. I've been a bearer of hope, I've pushed, I've communicated...  but today I'm tired...  it's somebody else's turn to push today... to be the motor today.  What do you recommend?  What do you do to keep strong as a leader?"

Ken's answer was "Solitude.  Begin the day slowly".

In my case, the alarm goes off, I jump up head downstairs, put coffee on, cereal in a bowl, TV on, check email and messages on my Iphone...  and straight into the problems and crisis of the day.

When Ken's alarm clock goes off in the morning, he wakes up.  He sits on the side of his bed with his hands, palms down, resting on his legs.  He takes a few minutes to listen to what thoughts are passing through his head, what worries him, what his body is telling him.  After 10 minutes of listening to himself, he turns his hands over, palms up, and reflects on what he wants to be grateful for at the end of the day.  The hustle of the bustle of the day still takes its toll, but starting the day slowly gives him the strength to do what he knows is right.

(This morning I had big plans to start the day slowly, but hit snooze and ended up in a rush... tomorrow for sure I will get my slow start)

If you think you are beaten, you are, If you think you dare not, you don't.

“If you think you are beaten, you are,
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you like to win, but you think you can't,
It is almost certain you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost,
For out in the world we find,
Success begins with a fellow's will.
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you are outclassed, you are,
You've got to think high to rise,
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But soon or late the man who wins,
Is the man who thinks he can.”

(Thinking – Walter B Wintle)

The world's best presentation

I was reading a post at Andrew Dlugan's blog "Six Minutes" and came across the World's best presentation.

SlideShare recently concluded their World’s Best Presentation contest, and the winner was Dan Roam’s American Health Care presentation. [If you are reading this via subscription, you may need to click through to view it below.

This is the world's best presentation as voted by the users of the slideshare site. I think that it is brilliant and an inpiration for how to make ideas simple and get them across graphically and powerfully. This is not a presentation for public speaking, but something that can be read standalone.

View more documents from Dan Roam.

Starfish, Spiders, Cows, Geronimo the Apache and Entrepreneurial Start ups

I Heard Rod Beckstrom speak in Dubai a couple of years ago. He tells a great story about a starfish and a spider.

If you come accross a spider and cut off one of its legs, what do you have? A dead leg and a 7-legged spider. If you cut off the spider’s head, what do you have? A dead spider.

If you come across a starfish and cut off one of its legs, what do you have? Two starfish. If you cut off the starfish’s head, what do you have? Five starfish. Each part of a starfish has the capacity to re-grow the rest.

What does a starfish and a spider have to do with Geronimo and Al Qaeda?

500 years ago, in the 1500s, the Spanish conquistadores reached Latin America. The Spanish at that time had the most centrally controlled feudal kingdom in history. When they reached the Incas – what did they do? They said “take me to your leader”, shot and killed the emperor and said “I am your new emperor”. Incas conquered in less than 5 years. Aztecs in less than 5. Mayans in less than 5. The Spanish had placed themselves as the supreme leaders of century old empires in less than a decade. They just replaced one centrally controlled power structure with another.

Some years later, the Spanish conquistadores reached Baja California and came across the Apache tribe. They said “take me to your leader” – but the Apache had no leader. The Apache warriors were allowed to follow whoever they wanted whenever they wanted. If another tribe’s leader seemed like a better person to follow, an Apache warrior just picked up his stuff and followed the new tribe... or set up his own tribe. The Spanish heard about a warrior called Geronimo who had many followers. They chased him and chased him and eventually captured Geronimo. The warriors just split into groups with new leaders. Each time the Spanish captured a new “supreme leader” they found that there were 20 new warriors that became leaders of warriors across the Apache nation. 200 years went by and the Apache were still unconquered.

The Apache are comparable to the internet, to entrepreneurial start-ups, to Al Qaeda. Big company management and at least the previous US President have a tendency to “target the leader” – thinking that if we squash the leader, the rest of the organisation will just disappear.

A starfish is a metaphor for an empowered, decentralised organisation and spider is a metaphor for a centrally controlled, disempowered organisation. Is your company like a starfish or is it like a spider? Are you competing with starfish or spiders?

The Apache did eventually get “conquered” – but by a well intentioned act of the nascent United States. In order to be good to the original peoples, the US government gave a gift of a cow to every Native Indian. In order to administer the delivery of millions of cows, there needed to be some Apache who controlled the delivery of cows – this immediately established a formal power structure and political system in the Apache nation. The gift of a cow converted every Apache from a nomadic traveller into people who needed to settle down with their cows. It was an act of contrition and intentional kindness that led to the Apache nation becoming politically dependant on the US government.

What is the equivalent of a cow to an Al Qaeda member? What is the equivalent of a cow to a group of entrepreneurial start-ups? Are there some areas where the more we push, the more resistance we encounter – and then when we stop pushing we find that we get what we always wanted?

17 Daily personal habits for a fulfilling life

I have been teaching MBAs for 5 years and am often asked over a coffee a question on the general theme of "what should I do with my life?" or "how can I be a success?" to which I feel hugely underqualified to provide answers.  I have spent time reflecting on my own life (not a great source of wisdom) and speaking with lots of friends, colleagues and wise-seeming individuals (a great source of wisdom).  I have compiled a list of 17 daily habits that are common to the people who reach the end of their life, look back and say "I would be happy to do much the same again".

photo: katiecamera

I was hesitant to share this material as I feel unqualified to talk about it (only half way through the average human lifespan, not yet a billionaire).  I showed it to my father a couple of days ago, only to discover the next day that he had passed it on to the boards of 3 global companies, some successful authors, some highly successful people... and they came back saying that this was inspiring and "challenging stuff". I thank my father for doing what I was scared to do - share this stuff.

The list is below and the full document is available if you want here on Google Documents.

1. Goal setting (Dreams to Goals to Actions)
2. Time Management
3. Fit mind and body
4. Personal vision (What on Earth am I here for?)
5. Integrity - build trust
6. Personal finances in order
7. Good social life
8. Strong relationships with partner, family and kids
9. Resilience (Head in the sky, feet on the ground)
10. Self motivation
11. Self acceptance
12. Fun
13. Attracts and uses mentors and advisors
14. Is open and seeks coaching
15. Giving with intention
16. Gets others to do stuff
17. Sets aside time for reflection

I would appreciate your reactions in the comments (here) and this really is a work in progress to which I would love to see how we use the web 2.0 tools (facebook, twitter, linkedin) to collaborate and develop this material.

I have another question - how do you get people to change their habits?  Some of the early readers of this material said "really enjoyed reading this piece, but it is a bit like january resolutions-the new diet is a great idea but it is very hard to stop eating the things we like".  If it is not a book, if it is not a course, if it is not new year's resolutions... what does it really take to allow someone to reach an aha moment and implement change in their life (I need this answer more than most for my own life, I might have this list, but every day I am challenged to find the discipline to live it).

Reflections on Nando Parrado, the real hero of the film "Alive"

Last Friday I had the priviledge of hearing Nando Parrado speak to the 350 attendees of the Entrepreneurs' Organisation Barcelona University.  Nando was the highlight of the 4 days of speakers.

Nando Parrado survived for 72 days in the Andes, along with 16 members of his Rugby team, after their plane crashed in 1972.  Nando spoke about his experience of 36 years ago when he saw his mother and sister die, and survived in extreme conditions in the high Andes.

I had four reflections after hearing Nando's impressive story of human endurance and survival:

1. The extreme banality of the key decisions that shape our live
2. No amount of suffering or effort even means that we deserve anything from the universe
3. The universe just keeps moving - everything will carry on without us
4. Extreme personal situations clarify who you are, your values, your purpose

1.  Banality of key decisions
36 years ago, Nando was boarding a charter plane with 45 of his friends.  None of the seats were assigned so each person sat wherever they want.  Nando sat next to his friend Roberto in seat 9B.  A couple of hours later, everybody in row 10 and back died in the accident's first impact against a mountain peak.  A minute later everybody in the front of the aircraft died when the plane rammed into a glacier where it came to rest.  26 people survived the crash.

The author of this blog with Nando Parrado
I thought "Nando is here with us, a successful businessman, a fantastic family, a full life thanks to him choosing seat 9B and not seat 10B."  The key decisions that guide our life can seem so small in the moment of taking them, yet matter so much more than the decisions that we agonise over (should I change jobs, should I marry this person, should I go travelling now or wait a year).

2. Suffering does not lead to "reward"
Nando and his friends survived 72 long, cold, painful, hungry days and nights.  He reflected that the nights were the most difficult.  Nando and his friend Roberto knew from about day 10 that they were not going to just die there waiting - they would walk out.  They waited 72 days for the winter to pass and the conditions to allow them to make an attempt at scaling an 18,000ft pass near their aircraft.  They waited 72 days looking up at the pass, imagining the valley beyond, the people, farms, green verdant valleys just beyond the pass.  When they set off, it took nearly 3 days to make it up to the pass (in bare hands, 2 pairs of jeans and their rugby boots).  The last 50m to the summit took 3 hours.

When Nando reached the summit and looked out he heard from Roberto just below "what can you see?".  Nando reached the summit to look over and see mountains upon mountains rolling out to the horizon.  When Roberto reached the top, the two looked at each other.  They knew that they were dead.  The only thought was "we are not going to die waiting, we will keep walking".

Nando and Roberto survived so much, saw so much suffering, the sacrifices of their friends, the losses of Nando's mother and sister...  he so deserved a "reward" - but the universe is not fair - it does not reward suffering nor those who most deserve.

3. The universe just keeps moving
Nando returned to his home in Montevideo after 72 nights in the mountains, after walking 80km through incredibly inhospitable terrain, having seen friends and loved ones die.  He came back a changed man.  When he reached his house he found that his neighbour was cutting the grass and waved "hi Nando", the buses continued to run, his room had been taken over by his sister.

Nando was struck by how little the world "missed him".  It had just continued.  Life just goes on.  Nando went through his own personal hell, but the universe did not stop to take notice.

4. Facing death clarifies what is important to you
Nando accepted his death on at least 4 specific occasions only to find that he was still alive.  When Nando met the girl that became his wife - it took 5 days from first sight to them living together.  When Nando was facing bankruptcy and the loss of his house and 5 businesses to the banks in one of the latin american economic crisis he thought "I would have given anything 30 years ago just to know I would be alive and with the possiblity of bankruptcy" and just got on with the steps to recover personally and professionally and keep his business interests intact.  When Nando speaks I feel that I am in the presence of somebody who deeply knows why he is here.  He doesn't fear decisions.  He doesn't need to compare his life to anybody else's.

72 days facing death means that this man knows who he truly is and is not worried if his neighbour has a bigger car or a larger television.

Were you at the EO Barcelona University? Have you heard Nando speak? Have you seen the film Alive?  Can we achieve the clarity of Nando without 72 days in the Andes? What are your thoughts?

To speak well requires practice

Public speaking is a learned skill.  To speak well requires practice.  The ability to speak confidently and persuasively in front of groups is a highly valuable asset.  Increased practice leads to better performance in job interviews, proposal presentations, project team meetings and board meetings.

The basic principles of persuasion were developed over hundreds of years in Ancient Greece and Rome by philosophers such as Socrates, Aristotle, Cicero and Quintilian.  At the very heart of this development was Aristotle’s triad of logos, ethos and pathos.  Aristotle’s innovation was to include “ethos”, or credibility, into the accepted approach to persuasion.

In business, as it is often in life, it is a simple fact that our decisions are about future actions, and no human action in the future is predictable.  This unpredictability and uncertainty leads to disagreement and means that the questions being asked are of a conditional nature.  This unpredictability moves decision-making away from the area of certainty and into the area of probabilities.

In confronting uncertain and unpredictable situations, audiences are normally unsure and less motivated.  As a consequence, logical argument alone will not be enough to move them to action.

There is a tendency in the western world to assume that success or failure of any argument can be determined by the strength of the arguments, the neat balance of pros and cons.  A group of well educated, rational people, the widespread assumption goes, should be unaffected by a speaker’s persuasive appeals.  There is a limited set of scientific areas where “convention” has created a form of general argument and rationality alone is enough – however this is a highly limited set of areas of human engagement.

When uncertainty exists a speaker must always give the audience some sense that he or she is somebody worth listening to.  It is not enough to only provide the argument.

For as long as people have written about rhetoric, it has been a subject of both suspicion and admiration. We fear manipulation.  Yet we also recognise its power to arouse the passions, convince the will and enlighten the understanding.

The Aristotlean Rhetorical Model defines three proofs that are required to bring an audience to action in an uncertain and unpredictable context:

Logos, Pathos and Ethos

Logos, the first proof, is based on deductive and inductive logic

 

Pathos, the second of these proofs, concerns the effective employment o f audience psychology.  Pathos can be seen as the bringing of an audience to the right state of emotion.  It requires connecting emotionally with your audience.  It is when our audience has reached this state that they will usually accept our message.

 

Ethos, the third proof, concerns the character of the speaker and is of utmost importance.  You must be “believable” in order to have people in the audience willing to engage with the content (emotional and rational) of your speech.

The balance between “what is said” and “how it is said” is vital. 

 

I will be writing a series of future blog articles looking at the essentials of logos, pathos (Aristotle listed 142 emotions you can elicit in an audience) and ethos.  I am interested in comments on ideas or areas of special interest or personal experience.  Has something worked for you?  What is the hardest part of preparing a persuasive speech?

Three things to control when negativity "kidnaps" our brain

I just heard Mario Alonso Puig speak at the Entrepreneur's Organisation University at the Hotel Arts in Barcelona.  Mario Alonso Puig is a brain surgeon who has spent 30 years looking at the changes in the brain caused by stress, negativity, depression and the role of the "little voice".

There are 3 "little voices" that are highly dis-empowering when we are confronted with difficulties, mistakes or failure:

1. Hopelessness
2. Worthlessness
3. Helplessness

It was amazing to see the rapid chain reaction of one negative thought of the hopelessness, worthlessness or helplessness variety (begins in the right prefrontal cortex, just above and behind your right eye) to triggering the Amygdala and Hypothalamus to release ACTH (signalling "in immediate danger") to the brain and leading to release of AD, NAD and steroids ("enter survival mode").  The immediate effect of the release of steroids is to divert blood flow from the cortex, or human thinking brain, to the brain stem or animal brain.  One negative thought can change the whole chemistry of the brain.

Mario Alonso's advice for when this negativity "kidnaps" us (a normal response when cancer tumor is diagnosed, we confront loss of job, reduction in value of assets) - Get control of three things:

1. Body - Don't allow depressive body posture, stand up straight.  Get moving, do exercise.  Breath deeply and fill the lungs with air.
2. Attention - We need to shift our attention to regaining control.  The initial question when we confront a negative situation is "Why me?"  This is a useless and meaningless question that will only waste resources.  Ask "What can I do? What can I learn?"
3. Sharing - We need to talk about how we feel with others.  He suggests that this is particularly difficult for men who tend to react to negative feelings by closing down and definitely not sharing the way they feel.  Chemical studies of the brain show the powerful positive effect of just speaking about how you feel to another person.

So, when we are overwhelmed, the ACTH and steroid drug cocktail hits the brain and we feel helpless and hopeless we can stand up straight, ask "What can I do?" and share the way we feel...